Friday, December 31, 2010

Gladiator, or Rarh! I'm a FIGHTER!

I hate this movie. Really. I do. I don't want a list of reasons why it's good and shouldn't be the recipient of my scorn. I. Do. Not. Like. Gladiator. And I didn't watch it again. Nope. Got better things to do than want to beat my head against a rock for watching a movie again, thanks.

Why do I hate it?

Well, it's loud, stupid--and I don't mean that in a "boys are stupid" sort of way; I mean it in an "it's not smart" sort of way--trite, lacking in heart and courage, and plain 'ol boring.

The crux of this film is the men metaphorically (or literally) beating their chests and yelling, "Rahr! I'm a FIGHTER!" But there is no point. And there is no art. Sure there are pretty shots and good moments but those are few and far between and do not a movie make.

So, why does 1001 Movies think I should watch this? Clearly because it hates me but let's review the entry:

First, apparently the author is clearly mistaken about women: "Russell Crowe lost 40 pounds and built up his muscles to play thinking women's sex object Maximus." Sorry? Yeah, that's what it says. Really? A "thinking woman's sex object"? What about him makes him sexy to "thinking women"? I'm not saying Russell Crowe can't be sexy--he's not my cup of tea but I'll acknowledge that others may love him--but there is nothing intelligent about him in this film and I'm assuming that is what would make him sexy to a "thinking woman"?? Help me out here.

Ok, at the end of that sentence is probably why 1001 Movies wants us to watch Gladiator: "Hollywood's first true Roman epic in over three decades." Fine, yes, early Hollywood was famous for Roman epics and I have a feeling we'll be watching some of those later but just because it's a Roman epic . . . .

Apparently the author also thinks the "computer trickery" super. Um, did he see that tiger?

Athelas, do we know a girl who likes this film? I know boys who think it's just fantastic but I can't think of any girls. But I also can't just simply say "it's a movie for men" and move on because you and I both like a lot of movies that should fit that category. Is this just the ball-scratching equivalent of film? Men think it's ok to do in public and women are appalled? Is this just Scott scratching his balls in public?


  1. HAH. Yes. It is ball scratching. And I was thinking the same thing--there are a lot of boy movies that I really like. For me, it's the heavy-handed, half-assed, half-baked, half-cocked (no pun intended) pretentious overtones that make this intolerable. But smart men like this movie, and for the life of me I can't figure out why. Is there an equivalent for women? A movie that girls tend to think rises above the genre of chick flick but that men abhor?

  2. I can't figure out why either. Because it's not a smart movie but it pretends to be. It's like the Paul Haggis of Roman epics. Hmmm--that's an interesting question about chick flicks. I'm not sure . . . maybe chick flicks masquerading as period dramas like Pride and Prejudice?